Baby death, miscarriage and stillbirth. All horrific events that come with a lot of unanswered questions.
What Happened? Why, why, why?!?!? Did I stress out too much, did I not eat right, was it something in the water, is it because I used toxic products? Why oh why did my baby die? The questions can consume you like a noose being slowly tied around your neck.
A few weeks ago I posted my latest blog post titled “Pregnancy Loss Awareness Day – the Unthinkable” little did I know that I would be reliving the Unthinkable ALL OVER AGAIN.
7 years ago I was in a whole different situation and (thank you Jesus) my support group at that time was/is my support group this time however, after I miscarried the first time, “someone” really dropped the ball in looking after my emotional health so this time I was determined to get all the resources provided.
Some background to this latest sad story, and the base foundation for getting help, is that when I started bleeding I made a phone call. I called the Health Link. She, after some conversation, instructed me to go to the ER then asked me the worst question ever, “Are you OK?“. That was it. That was the question that started the flood gates of tears and the panic attack phone call to my husband at work. Truth is: I AM NOT OK!! And I thought I would be. This lady actually followed up with me less than a week later and that really mattered to me. Someone cared to call me and ask if I was ok, again.
I really needed the phone calls because I honestly just wanted to keep everything to myself. I wanted to curl up in a ball on the floor and lay there for hours and I actually did that! My 8-year-old daughter came home from school and saw me laying there on the floor (what a sad thing for a child to come home to and see). And to my surprisement came and laid down right beside me. So I asked her, “Did Dad talk to you about me?” She started off in a frown saying, “He said that you were not feeling well…” Which then turned into an excited ball of energy asking, “Are you pregnant?!!?”.
I had to explain to her that not only would she have one sibling in Heaven but another. But if you know my daughter, she heard what I said but she didn’t care about the “sad news”. “Mom, don’t you sit here on the floor moping all day! It’s like that story in the Bible and you have to be repaid 4 times! So you’re going to get 4 babies! You slap a smile on your face!” (She is saying this in a matter-of-fact voice and shaking her pointed finger at me) #mindblown There’s nothing more explosive than when your child tells you off (in a good way). I immediately arose and hugged her saying, “Thank you for the encouragement.”
The truth is there is pain in loss but there is no reason to fall into depression. Depression can sneak in but let me tell you something, you need to STOP THAT noose before it gets too tight! There is help and it all starts with a phone call. TELL SOMEONE!
I was given the Mental Health phone number (780-826-2404) and the Grey Nuns Early Pregnancy Loss phone number (780-73509712). Now, in my personal experience and opinion, I’d love it if the hospital gave you a package on the way out or as you are being “treated” aka delivering a lifeless child in-front of them. That would be just fabulous but as to my knowledge, package giving and resource paper delivery has not occurred yet. So I called the Grey Nuns Early Pregnancy Loss Centre and was sent an email package of resources, self-help and support groups.
If you know anyone who has gone through a miscarriage you can also get this package. If you have a friend who is struggling send them the phone numbers to get a package emailed to them. It is tough, I know, but it’s one phone call that will save you hours and hours and hours and maybe even weeks and weeks or even months or years of suffering. One thing I know for sure for sure that helps, is talking to someone. And when you call the Early Pregnancy Loss Centre they are already ready to talk to you. There is help and support and you are valued!!
Never give up and never lose hope <3
My cousin sent me this youtube video and I encourage you to take a listen. Embrace PEACE. God is faithful. Keep the FAITH.